Work Weak

I've been working in a friend's office temporarily while I wait for the other job (meeting about that tomorrow).  It's so great to be around such interesting and funny women (ah, New Yorkers, I love you, it's like being home at work), to have a purpose, to wear actual clothes, to try to control the frizz puff that is my hair, and unpuff my face (as if).  I have miraculously been on time every day because I leave early but it's amazing the forces trying to make me late: cars that have dead batteries; school buses that come 15 minutes early or 15 minutes late with absolutely no notice so the kids need to be driven; highway traffic; and of course, the endless Illness.

My poor boy is sick again.  He has a cold and another slight rash on one cheek and his upper arms (so was that other rash really chicken pox?) and athlete's foot on top of that.  Today S came home from work super early (5 hours of commute for about an hour of work, so crazy) so I could go to the office.  Ty is really fighting to stay home again tomorrow but he was so fine this afternoon, no fever, sorry boy, you must GO.  So he is having some hysteria, making up a thing about how he hates middle school and it's just not challenging enough, it's boring, he wants to LEARN something.  I told him to get some sleep and we will talk about it tomorrow because the last time we had one of these fraught talks, he was so tired as to be unreasonable and after a good night of sleep completely forgot all about it the next day.  Does he want me to have him skip a grade?  Go to a different school?  What?  I come off a little angry during his tired hysteria and it's a mistake.  Must figure out how to be better mother while not allowing them to stay home yet having everyone be happy happy joy joy. 

Toe has gone back to having an upset stomach every single morning, after a summer of no such thing.  After the appendix debacle in February, my stress level goes through the roof every time they look even a little sick, even when I'm absolutely sure they're faking, because I had to miss so much work for so long (although my boss was unbelievably kind and understanding).  Then I feel guilty, because I know if I treat them like they're not sick they'll have another some horrible disease and I will never be able to forgive myself.  Me Enjoying Work = Boys Being Sick and Needing To Stay Home = Me Feeling Angry and Thwarted = Boy Feeling Like Neglecterinos. 

This is an issue because I doubt myself now.  They sense it and grab the chance to exploit it. 

Yeah, okay, I'm going to talk about this again.  It's hard to not smell bad when the air is SATURATED with pounds and pounds of wet watery water all the time and I get out of the shower and it just descends upon me, stinking me up.  It's embarrassing, talking to people with a little Niagara Falls pouring off your eyebrows and splashing off your upper lip.  Why must I get old?  Why?  Who knew that I would ever get old?  Although I guess when I'm REALLY OLD I'll just stop smelling altogether and be all powdery.  With no hair.  That doesn't sound so bad, actually, but I'm sure it will come with other problems that will be truly bad, like memory loss and incontinence...oh wait.  I already...forget it.  Nothing.

I will not now think about the fact that the boys bedroom has a huge mold spot in the ceiling so the roof must be leaking into the crawl space above the second floor.  The ROOF, the ROOF, the ROOF, she is LEAKING.  The roof that we replaced 11 years ago.  Surely it should last longer than that?  Will.Not.Think.About.Roof.  LalalalalalalaIcan't hearawordyousaybecauseIamnotlistening.  S is sleeping and I have to leave him a note that his cousin died of cancer.  His mother has had a lot of loss this year.  I am not going to tell him about the roof because there's enough bad news in the world.  Perhaps I will consult the roofer myself.  "Hello, Old Chap Roofer!  WTF is up with our roof, Old Man?  Do tell!"

Politics will not be mentioned because it's just too fraught right now.  But honestly, where can we move if McCain/Palin win?  How do these things happen?  Pulling hair out now, weeping.  I wonder where my children get it.

Comments

[qt]

OMG -woman, you make me laugh. I can't wait for the powdery stage!

And those boys, methinks, are experts at pushing your buttons. You are right to second-guess.

[de]

tony read an article about how easy it is to emigrate to New Zealand. He's already looking into during his spare time.

Today is picture day & Fiona decided to have a fit about having to wear a uniform to school in general, but today especially. Luckily I remembered how she said that she never wanted to miss a day of school because there is so much work to make up, so I told her any day she didn't want to wear her uniform, she didn't have to, but she had to stay home from school.

[Janelle]

oh man. i just love reading your life because its so similar to mine. and sometimes i think its the universe trying to tell me something - you know - when its the kids verses a normal life..? god. you live on funny lady!!! and thanks for sharing. its inspirational! XX janelle

[crazymumma]

Palin scares me so bad. You can move in with me okay?